The Monkey Kings 美猴王

A Chinese wife is like a fortune cookie: sweet and cute on the outside but on the inside they have something that can change the direction of your life.

Joy and I have been together for a year and a half now. That means a year and a half of being called 老公 (husband), a year and a half of hugs that cut off the circulation, and significantly, a year and a half of little fluffy things in the shapes of animals for countless purposes. These cute things have, more than anything, made me realise how differently we think.

You see, I have a habit of using logic to make my decisions and she has a habit of picking the cutest thing off the shelf whether she needs it or not. “Look how cute this is! 老公, can we buy it?” “We already have a garden hose, Joy.” But this cuteness spills over into everything, and she gives me presents like I have never had before.

Differences in thinking are not a problem. The key to any relationship is common values. Urban Canadians are used to the idea of a white man and an Asian woman getting together, but most Chinese people we know have trouble fathoming it. They ask questions like, don’t you two have unsurmountable cultural barriers? Don’t you have continual miscommunications? How is it that two people of such different backgrounds can get together? The answer is always no. As differently as we think at times, we share our most important values. We have even decided how many kids we would like and what sex we want them to be (but I’m not going to tell you!).

In fact, we agree on so many things I do not think of her as being from a different culture. I think of her as family. So does the rest of my family, and none of them except my dad, who came to China for the wedding, has met her.

At the wedding, I met Joy’s family. I had heard of large Chinese extended families but I had yet to see one. They filled the conference hall. I have trouble using up all my fingers when counting the people in my family; Joy’s must number at least two hundred. They thought that, being a Canadian, I was surely wealthy, and so did not need any 红包 (lucky money), so I missed out on that tradition. But I do not get angry at the big things, only the little ones. And Joy is there to put up with me every time.

My mother, who remember has not met her yet, says that Joy must be very easy going to put up with a strong minded brute like me. I have tested this hypothesis every day we have been together. The yin to my yang, whenever I get angry, she smiles and speaks softly. When I get angry at her, she laughs. When I growl like a bear I’m truly angry, and she cracks up.

How has Joy changed the direction of my life? I have another reason to learn more about China and learn more Chinese. Now I can communicate with my extended family. If not for my wife, I would not be bringing China with me when I left. But because of Joy, I will always have a connection to this country, and always return to spend time with my Chinese family. I can’t wait to see my fortune cookie wife’s big bright eyes when we come back for Chinese New Year.